These days, I don’t seem to be writing as much as I used to 2 or 3 years ago. I guess my habit has shifted away from words to silence. I now spend more time on my own, away from the computer, and, if possible, with nature.
Tonight, I suddenly recall and realised that I didn’t write much from my thoughts, only directly from my head – a flow. I now remember the feeling that I used to have for a while. After all, it doesn’t matter whether I am writing or not, I see myself on the edge of consciousness in moments like this, doing without thinking. In this way, writing itself has become a tool for me to free my mind from distractions of thoughts. I don’t think when I write. Words just come directly from the mind. There is no controlling going on here and I find myself rarely press the delete key. That is how it feels.
It is weird, yet I don’t have the feeling that I am the one who write these words. I am looking at myself typing on the keyboard, just as an observer. The writer must be someone else, sharing the same body. Yet I don’t see myself as the writer, I am the reader, and the seer.
This kind of feeling has been around me for a while. A few months ago, I encountered a similar feeling when washing the dishes. Usually I get myself caught-up outside my actions whenever this body does things that requires little intellect. It’s hard to explain in words exactly what I am going through. The experience is very similar to what happens when I meditate, stepping out from the realm of thoughts and emotions.
I didn’t mean to write this entry anyway. It just comes from within. It’s bed time and I need a break.
One day you’ll look back and love those thoughts. Keep being a reflective man, though we all need to be a little bit practical.
Writing without thinking is a good strategy. We may never know what we have inside ourselves until we note it down. The Chinese has this proverb: “Crossing the river by touching the stones.” It seems to apply to you.